Wednesday, January 31, 2007

woowiee



Please don't mind what I'm trying to say 

'cause I'm, I'm being honest

When I tell you that you

You're part of the reason 

I'm so set on the rest of my life

Being a part of you

You tell me what you think about being open,

About being honest with yourself


'Cause things will never be the same.


So I guess I'll see you, I'll see you around

I'm spinning while I'm falling down

Now you know why I'm begging you to stay


And don't waste time getting to the point, 

'cause I'm, I'm patiently waiting

For your next phone call, 

your next excuse for losing sleep again

Tell me what you think about being open,

About being honest with yourself


'Cause things will never be the same


So I guess I'll see you, I'll see you around

I'm spinning while I'm falling down

Now you know why I'm begging you to stay


'Cause I can't stop it now

It's so amazing how

I know I cant, I could never walk away


How can we resolve this now

We let it go, and wonder how 

This can never be the same

Can never be the same


So I guess I'll see you, I'll see you around

I'm spinning while I'm falling down

Now you know why I'm begging you, I'm begging!


'Cause I can't stop it now,

It's so amazing how,

I know I cant, I could never walk away.


Please don't mind what I'm trying to say, 

'cause I'm, I'm being honest.

Monday, January 29, 2007

sigh..

*background music sings* its the end of the 1st month of the year of 2007.. wow thats a lot of OFs.. LOL. and as we all know.. valentine's day is drawing closer.. or lets just call it my angel's birthday.. (well it is literally Nimai's bday.. but anyway, moving on..)

*sighs* i for one love the celebration itself.. u noe the lovey dovey mood.. but somehow, it hurts you know.. for those who cant celebrate it with their loved ones.. and well, imma single momma this year.. and it feels great! i think.. LOL. but i just dont get it.. why is it when i want to open up to someone SO badly.. its either they just shut the door right at my face, or they leave. JUST LIKE THAT. so i guess this is one of the reasons i am staying single for the year 2007.. its suppose to be a new years' resolution, but we'll see..=PP

and yeah.. for that DUDE i've been jiwang-ing about.. i GUESS he's outta my head.. the rumours are driving me crazy too.. i wont like want him to.. well.. you know.. buhh.. if you dont know, act like you know la! haha.. so i guess that's another one down the drain.. i've tried.....

tak daya aku menanti..
dalam hujan yang masih renyai
sayangku, berikanlah ku peluang..
bertapa aku menanti
jawapan yang emas itu
mungkinkah bisa kasih
oh dikecewa?

semakin hari ku menanti
makin lemah ku terasa
walau apa yang terjadi
engkau tetap milikku

aku cinta kamu..
aku sayang kamu..
mungkinkah ada jawapannya
benarkah imaginasiku, kasih
jadi realiti?

aku cinta kamu..
aku sayang kamu..
angin sampailah cintaku
agar terubat semua luka lalu
yang ku tak sanggup kecewa lagi.....

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

yeah~

Monday, January 22, 2007

say it if its worth saving me



I told myself today was gonna be the day
No more excuses 'cuz I knew exactly what to say
Was gonna make my play but just like yesterday
My mind in waste and I let the moment slip away
Another night got me sitting here all on my own
Picking up the phone,
But i cant get past the dial tone
Rocking my brain
Going insane
Again and again
I cant keep going this way

CRUSHED,
By the sweetest lips ive never kissed
How you bring the tips and the warmest touch Ive always missed
CRUSHED,
By the softest hands ive never held
Probably never tell,
You're the strongest love that Ive ever felt
CRUSHED,
That I havent ever let you know
How it always goes
Cuz I lose my nerve whenever you get close
And so Im left,
Short of breath
With that heavy feeling in my chest
Baby Im so crushed

So I told myself that tomorrow gonna be the day
And I keep on telling myself that Im gonna find a way
And I wont be afraid just like yesterday
Wont walk away never gonna let another chance slip away
Cuz' I gotta know which ever way its gonna go
Rest my heart and soul
Cuz' there can never be no more
Rocking my brain
Going insane
Again and again
I wont keep going this way

Crushing,
Im so into to you
Dont know what Im gonna do
Gotta find a way to you
I dont know just what to do
Crushing,
Im so into to you
Dont know what Im gonna do
Gotta find a way to you
Ohhhh Imm
Crushing,
Im so into you
Dont know what Im gonna do
Gotta find a way to Youuuuuuu
And so Im left,
Short of breath
With that heavy feeling in my chest
Baby im so
Crushed.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

false pretense..

have you ever wanted something SO badly.. or in my case. someone. lol

at times, i just want him to know.. but. its been so hard.. when it comes to its consequences.. what if he starts avoiding me? huh?! sigh. i guess i'll never know..

school went as usual today.. PERHIMPUNAN WAS CANCELLED!! woot!! LOL. just ONE day without Faridah's extremely long blabbering.. but in class, it was blabbering from our form teacher pulak.."Kelas.. saya dah receive complain yer.. tentang kelas kamu ni.. terlalu bising!" bla bla bla.. crap like that. its been that way since the 2G days.. it's not our fault that we love to talk okay! we just have lots of stuff to say to our frens.. how can we wait till AFTER school to talk?! people go home liaw.. how to talk?! if call later.. i forgot liaw lor! so rediculous la! if you band talking in class! pfftt!!

and one more thing! why 3G no luar sidang?!! LOL. ok la.. that one i'm not complaining.. i'm okay with it.but the fact that i cant see him after school hours?! that rediculous la maN! ishhh!! its okkk.. deep breaths.. sobs. i miss him already.. =_= study!

chapped and faded

"Cancer"

Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.

Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,
Oh, my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know

That if you say (if you say)
Goodbye today (goodbye today)
I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

sigh

there are many things in this world.. that we cannot understand.. some, we just cant say.. though its been keeping ur heart from beating.. spiritually.. but there's more to life.. i just want to know what. why. when. how. who. apparently.. my questions are still unanswered.. but in the mean time, i'm hanging on pretty well.. i've been wanting and wanting so much in my life, till i forget to appreciate what i have right now.. and when it's gone.....thats when i realised what i had all along.

best friends come and go.. and as for mine.. i hurt her pretty bad. i guess i just overreacted.. because i trusted her with a really big secret, and she just spilled the beans to the two most popular gossip spreaders. i was furious.. and scared too.. i just let it all out on her.. and maybe it was my fault.. but i was really scared.. that if people knew, and that he will know.. i'd lose him...forever.

when i looked back, it was my fault. but i just cant do anything right now.. i expected more from her u noe.. but.....i guess. i just dint get that friendship that i wanted from her.. maybe i'm being too demanding.. den again, maybe she was being too heartless.. i dont know. i'm confused. plus the homeworks that are piling up on me.. my performance that is coming soon.. the overnight came which we are leading.. him.. everything. is just going very, very wrong..

i want to smile.. like i've never smiled before.. dance, like nobody's watching.. laugh like i've never felt as happy.. i want that. why cant i have that? am i asking too much of myself? maybe. just maybe.. i'm falling in love again. all over again. who knows. because it hurts so bad.. =X

. imissyou .

Friday, January 19, 2007

keep holding on


a prayer.

Dear Lord Jesus, i'm not perfect. and maybe i don't deserve the best. i'm not worthy.. but i am sorry. for everything.. that i've done that may be unpleasing to your eyes.. my actions, my words. my thoughts. i never intended to hurt anyone.. i never intended to hurt You. and i am truly. sorry. sometimes human beings are a little too greedy. they keep wanting more after getting some.. but for me. i am grateful.. for everything that You have given to me.. my beloved friends.. a house to live in.. a beautiful family.. everything. even him.. as You lead me in my life, i pray that i'll be a light in his.. and for my friends, i pray that as the exams draw near.. give them the wisdom and the knowledge to revise.. especially PMR and SPM students oh Lord oh father. protect them and guide them Lord.. and as for my sisters in Australia and Unimas. i pray that You watch over them where ever they are.. near or far, they'll be in Your loving arms.. i pray that they will never stray from their faith and continue to sing praises to Your name.. as for my family and loved ones around me, i ask for protection upon us all.. as we go on our daily lives, protect and guide us oh Lord Jesus.. as we continue living accordingly to Your will.. and as for him.. i pray that you will be with him no matter where he goes.. i know that he is down right now, but be with him oh Lord. i care so much for him oh Lord.. i just want the best for Him. even if i cant be there for him.. Thank YOU Lord.. for everything that You've done for ME. in Jesus' most precious name i pray. Amen.





I was contend

Just to have you as a friend,

But things changed,

As my feelings grew stronger,

I couldn’t control it no longer,

For your smile, your voice, your face,

Just makes me long for your warm embrace..

Our friendship oh so true,

Drew me much closer to you,

Every time you look at me,

I keep wishing that you would be my one and only,

But could you ever feel the same way?

I wish I could know that, someday,

You are the only one, who I can tell everything,

And won’t have to worry about no one listening,

You always knew the right thing to say,

That made me think of it all day..

I don’t want to live my life with regrets,

I am not putting our friendship to the test,

I’ll keep you safe in this little heart of mine,

Hoping that someday you will find,

What I’ve been keeping locked away behind my lips,

I can’t help it,

For you’ve given me so much bliss,

No one has ever treated me this way,

Making me feel special, each and everyday,

I think I’m in love with you..

But would you feel the same way too?

Will this risk all the things we used to do?

I guess I’ll never tell you..



this is a poem that i wrote quite some time ago.. i'm sure some of you guys read if before.. it's about a lonely girl who longs for that particular guy who appears to be a good friend.. after spending some time with him, she finds out that she has fallen in love with him but she's afraid of losing him as a friend. so i guess.. she'll never tell him how she feels.. she is willing to just be there for him as a friend and neglect the feelings she has for him--no matter how strong.. but do not take this girl as an example. please do tell those you love how you feel about them.. before it's too late.. life's too short..


Believe in Him.

I would like to share a story with you guys.. and i just hope you will learn a lesson from here.. i shall remain the identity of this person, anonymous.
as i was talking to him, he was dumb-founded. he was hurt. he was weighed down by the world and its flaws.. he couldnt take it.. but here's the weird part. HE reminded me of..well, myself.. He's currently healing from a heartbreak from the past, and yeah.. it hurts like hell.. i know too much. but anyways, he's a broken man.. but i didnt know that he would keep God out of HIS life.. and that moment.. the world stopped spinning. everything was a blank. what did he say?
"If GOD was SO GREAT.. why cant he give you food when u ask for it? why?"
"I dont believe in heaven, nor hell.. i dont even believe that there's a GOD."
"i get laughed at just for believing in HIM."
"i used to believe in Him, when i was with her.. i thank Him every single moment in my life.. but after losing her, my life changed"
those words tore my heart every single time i hear him say it.. i... i just couldnt believe that he pushed GOD out of his life.. when he needs Him the most. he's at his lowest point in his life right now, and i, as a friend, would really like to pull him back up.. because i for one, noes how it feels to lose some1 that means that much to you.. but? it doesnt matter to me anymore.. it was all because of God.. God gave you something, and He has the right to take it back from you. HE knows when you need it, and when you dont.. HE knows whatever that is good for you.. HE is your leader. and YOU follow.. HE does not need to proof anything to you.. for we are not worthy.. What KING would die on that cross for you? NONE. i hope those words did good to him..
it really hurts to see him that way, seeing that he's going through what i went through.. so i'd just love to help him out, u noe.. i dont want him to repeat the same mistakes that i did.. hurting myself when its not nessesary..
as for my day today.. i got to spend a little time with him before he had to go home.. but it feels like forever.. LOL. and yeah.. the rest was pretty normal.. just a word of advice to every1 who reads this.. DO NOT EVER STRAY FROM YOUR FAITH. HE'S OUR SAVIOUR, OUR LIVING MESSIAH.. DO NOT, and i mean DO NOT PUSH HIM AWAY WHEN YOU NEED HIM MOST. TALK TO HIM. God bless you all..

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Another beginning..


this is just a main introduction of the year 2007.. How's life been for me..? my LIFE as..

-A friend
-A sister
-A brigader
-A tambourinist
-A believer in Christ
-A lover
-A daughter

so anyways, yeah.. you MUST be thinking.. RUBY ah.. PMR year, still wanna blog so much for wad? eh come on la.. i dont study 24/7. I need something to let out my “isi hati”.. haha. take this as an example. i went on9 at 2pm. just to figure out that the internet was down. i pratically broke down. LOL. and yeah, i still have homework to do, so.. yeah. xD

and well, life.. it has been pretty ok considering the peer pressure, the distractions.. i found out that school is really fun when you got something to look forward to.. LOL. i mean like, the morning session goes by really quickly.. BUT. sadly, i cant go through everyday without AT LEAST a "hhhaaaaaaaccccchhhhiiiuuuuuuu!!!!!" from Reening.. man, reening, go see a doctor or smth! i think I"M catching a cold! =S

as for my main goal in the year 2007, is of course to make my parents proud by obtaining that 7a's. i wanna proof people wrong.. their perceptions.. i wanna set my life straight again after my heart has been put back into one piece. After everything I’ve been through, I believe I deserve something.. something MORE.

And even after I stumble and fall many times, there is always a little hope left in me.. number 1, a little hope to be a better person, a better someone in this big cold world.. number 2, a little hope to be a better lover to that some1.. a someone who makes my day with just a smile on his face. number 3, a little hope to be a better believer.. to stand for what I believe in.. to worship Him, my living Messiah. In the year 2007, I want to make a difference in MY life.. in the lives of those around me.. I believe by God’s grace, He will lead me and take me to where I want to go.. In His will, I will do whatever I can just to achieve what I’ve always been praying for. Success, Courage, and Love

- the one and only – xoxo.